The Elephant that peeks behind the Curtain
By Nadja Conaghan
“It feels like there is a big elephant peeking behind the curtain trying to get my attention. It is impossible to ignore him or even stop him!”
Anonymous (former GREAT MINDS UNITED coaching client)
“It feels like there is a big elephant peeking behind the curtain trying to get my attention. It is impossible to ignore him or even stop him!”
That is how one of my coaching clients described to me how it feels when thoughts pop into her head that are unhelpful or distracting - often resulting into overthinking.
I agree ignoring the elephant never works; and often the elephant gets even bigger and more distracting when we try to. Acknowledging the elephant and making a conscious choice what to do with him is a more suitable approach.
What is your elephant?
Everyone’s elephant is different. It can be a thought or belief (also linked to imposter syndrome); an emotion (e.g. anxious) or a behaviour in response (e.g. anger) to a situation.
No matter what your elephant is, all elephants have this is common:
They feel big and strong.
You cannot ignore them and when you try they become even bigger and stronger.
You feel overwhelmed and often helpless and overpowered by them.
You feel you cannot control them.
No matter how big and strong the elephant may appear, you can deal with him!
So how to deal with your elephant?
An approach that often works for my clients is the Name it. Claim it. Tame it. approach. The first step is to acknowledge the elephant (name it!) and then take responsibility and ownership (claim it!). Once you acknowledge the elephant in the room, you need to address and deal with him (tame it!).
Some strategies to deal with the elephant may include:
Tell him to wait in the waiting room and you deal with him later (and do so).
You may release him into the wild and say goodbye for good.
Feed him peanuts to calm him down and deal with him later when it is convenient for you and he is calm.
Make the elephant your friend. Be grateful for the reminders he sends and gives you an opportunity to grow and learn. You may even transform your elephant into your ally and biggest supporter (e.g. change to useful thought such as, “you got this!“).
No matter how big and overwhelming the elephant is, you can deal with him!
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