Name it. Claim it. Tame it. (PLUS infographic)
By Nadja Conaghan
In my role as resilience coach, I work with various clients with different backgrounds, personalities, challenges, and goals. No matter how different their stories are, stress and adversity does not differentiate; and they all show similar stress patterns in their symptoms, response and challenges.
People experiencing immense or chronic stress are often…
“too busy” to realise that they are (over)stressed and deny or ignore the negative effects on their physical and mental health and on important relationships;
caught up in trying to fix “something“ without taking time to properly define the issue and identify the sources of stress which is important to resolve the issue successfully and effectively;
stuck and overwhelmed with a stressful situation and are paralysed;
impaired in their judgement and make irrational decisions.
The first step in being resilient is becoming aware of and acknowledge the stressful situation as well as the associated emotions, thoughts and response to it.
NAME IT … Naming as a tool of acknowledgement
Often clients find themselves in a spiral of overwhelming and confusing thoughts and feelings during and/or after stressful and uncomfortable situations. This is reflected when they describe the situation and their response to it. Naming as a tool helps you to get clarity, and gives you a better understanding of what you are dealing with (i.e. situation/problem; unhealthy and unproductive emotions and thoughts) in order to fix or manage the problem successfully. The act of naming is also associated with a feeling of relief (because you know what the problem is) and reducing the feeling of stress.
Naming, or also known as labelling, is assigning a name to something (situation, emotions, thoughts/mind, behaviours) which captures all associated qualities in one word or short phrase.
TIP: Make naming part of your mindfulness practice by asking yourself the following questions:
“What is happening right now?”
“How do I feel about this?”
“What are my thoughts?”
“What is my response?”
When you answer these questions try to find one word or a short phrase to describe the situation, your emotions, thoughts, and response.
Once you acknowledge the the situation, thoughts, emotions and behaviours, you need take ownership and responsibility for the situation as well as your thoughts, emotions and behaviours.
2. CLAIM IT … Take ownership and responsibility
Take ownership of the situation, your thoughts, emotions, and behaviour. Taking (partial) responsibility empowers you to act. It makes you the empowered protagonist rather than the helpless victim in your story.
Claiming means taking ownership and responsibility for the situation and your actions, thoughts and/or feelings.
Once you take ownership and responsibility, make a conscious choice about your actions, thoughts and/or emotions.
3. TAME IT… Fix and manage
The last step is to make a conscious decision how you respond and what you will do next. Actions include problem solving steps, learning and applying new skills; as well as well-being & resilience strategies, habits and tools. Examples for resilience strategies are seeking social support, breathing exercises; or practising mindfulness or gratitude.
Taming means taking active steps to fix or manage the situation, your response, thoughts and/or emotion.
Tips
When you practise the Name it. Claim it. Tame it. technique, you may start with focusing only on one or two aspects, usually the situation and your emotions towards it. For example, you deal with a difficult and unhappy customer who is verbally abusive towards you. The situation is interpersonal conflict and the emotion you may feel is stressed.
You can help others who are “stuck“ by helping them becoming aware of the situation, their emotions, thoughts, and behaviours:
Asking them the similar questions that you would ask yourself:
“(In one sentence,) what is happening right now?”
“(In one word,) how do you feel about this?”
“(In one word or short sentence,) what are your thoughts?”
“(In one word or short sentence,) What is my response?”
Use Reflecting and Summarising techniques to help them to articulate their feelings, thoughts, and behaviours.
“What you are say is…“
“You seem to be… [emotion; mind; behaviour]“
Want to Know more?
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